...I'm back

Wow.... I haven't blogged in a while.
Man I miss it.

Final draft of the 'Actor Expo Scotland' floor plan is almost complete!

25 (err maybe 28...) Random Things Share

25 (err maybe 28...) Random Things Share

This has been doing the rounds on facebook so thought i'd copy it here too :-)

1) An old boss once said to me: “Rem, if you were a car – you’d have 2 gears... 5^th gear and Reverse”. Never a truer word has been said about me. I’m an all or nothing kinda girl.
When I am in ‘Reverse’ .... man, I’m a nuisance. But a funny nuisance.
2) I love my cat Chi-chi more than anything in the universe. Had her since I was 18 when I got my first place. She was right there! 14yrs on – she’s still there! Giving her mama love :).
I like animals more than I like people.
3) I have a large amount of friends and am deeply loyal to my close friends and believe that trust is everything. Without it – there is nothing for me.
4) I have been hurt by people I trusted and as such am more cautious with friends and partners now. But I am not deeply tainted. I do believe in Karma and what goes around DOES come back around.
5) For an intelligent person – I am pretty stupid. I laugh a lot. I laugh at my own jokes and I spend most of my life laughing at things I probably shouldn’t laugh at. I think life is pretty funny when I think about it. I’m gonna laugh my way right outta here right till the very end.
6) I think I should’ve been born American – I am in love with that country, have been since about the age of 10 and am just way too Americanised for my own good. I play basketball and used to play American Football. Planning to move there in the next 2 years!
7) I’d like to get married someday – I think that’d be pretty awesome.
8) I went to boarding school..... Quit laughing already.
9) When alone - I’m scared of the dark and sleep with the TV on. I have an over active imagination.
10) I’m allergic to all seafood and mushrooms – strange but true. I have an incredible amount of intolerances (yup I’m one of those ppl who you love to have over for dinner) – I also have IBS and do a doodoo at least 4 times a day! (you know I had to get the word doodoo up in here)
11) I am a serious adrenalin junkie. I love fast cars, bikes, roller coasters, bungees, planes. I’d love to fly in an F15 jet just once in my lifetime. I have yet to jump out of a plane or do a reverse bungee, but I will. Due to the intense way I blow my nose and pop my ears – my whole ear, eye, nasal system is fucked and basically I’ve started experience mild cases of vertigo - I’m actually really pissed about that cos I LOVE HEIGHTS!!!!!!! Vertigo is a weird ass feeling that no one should have to experience, EVER. Oh yeah, Paint balling rules!
12) once a month – I’m pretty moody and gnarly. Fucking hormone bastards.
13) Spent most of my teenage years in children’s foster homes. Don’t feel sorry for me, it made me who I am – strong, independent and ambitious. I don’t really like talking about it – so please don’t ask.
14) My favourite album title is by Seasick Steve:
“I started out with nothing.. and I still got most of it left”
15) I have a personality that draws people to me. People dig me.
I’m not blowing my own trumpet here – that’s just how it is. people are drawn to me and my energy. I tend to be the person who lifts other people up – which can sometimes be exhausting.
However, I don’t really like people that much if the truth be told lol. Yeah, I said it. I much prefer my own company – but.. I don’t know why, people are just drawn to me. I find that people are intrinsically and organically programmed to look out for themselves. Is that too deep? Maybe... But being a selfless person, I often find it hard to be around people who are not that way too. So, when I go quiet – it’s generally because I am wishing I wasn’t around a certain person at that time.
16) I use the word CUNT quite a lot. Get over yourselves, really, it’s just a word.
17) I’ve always had this uncanny ability to understand people with speech problems. I don’t know how or why I can do this – I just can. Probably should have been a speech therapist or something. I am AWESOME at reading lips – so don’t try and talk about me across a crowded and noisy room... I know what you’re saying ha ha.
18) I love to travel like mad. I also really dig old people. I can talk for days to an old person and never get bored – older people hold the key to a lot of wisdom... that I yearn to know.
19) I am a little bit crazy. Not ‘psycho crazy’ or ‘pop a pill crazy’ – more ‘crazy quirky’ haha. I am a great believer that if the world was just full of ‘sane’ and ‘normal’ people – we’d have a really boring world to exist in. A little bit of crazy is good.
20) I have no racist, prejudice, homophobic, ageist, sexist... ANY ‘IST’ or ‘IC’ tendencies.
Not even an iota. Can put my hand on heart and say that. We are all equals.
21) I don’t go to church – but am spiritual.
22) My closest friend in the world is Kelly. We were in the same class aged 11. I tell him everything and value his opinions on everything as he’s just like me – straight talking and honest. No bullshit. I love having a friend who is so close that he can tell what mood I’m in just from how I answer the phone.
23) I’m kinda psychic. Ok, well not kinda, I am... but I don’t really take it that seriously at all – but I know it’s there and in me – it exists in my family – I don’t care if you believe in it or not either... Whatever. I dream stuff... it happens, what can I say.
24) Despite my ridiculously confident exterior – inside I am deeply shy and if I had been born white – I would definitely blush a lot.
25) I will always be a tomboy and find it funny that people sometimes ask me if I am Gay.
I suppose I can be a little bit unambiguous from time to time.
Those who know me well, know I like the meat. Sausage Meat that is.
26) I was born left handed! Being ½ Jamaican and ½ Nigerian - and what with African/Nigerian superstitions being followed – long story... but I am now right handed.
Therefore I am now a hybrid befuddled creative person.
27) I don’t really love myself enough (or at all... if I’m honest)... but that will come with time. Maybe.
28) I can’t wait to meet my dad this year for the first time in 20 years.

FREE: Filmmakers Workshop, SaturdayFebruary7th2009 11:00am-6:00pm,For more information:Email: filmmakers@scriptconsultancy.com

Here is the video showreel from my launch show of ActorExpo in London on Oct 10th 2008.
There is a longer version on youtube - just type in ActorExpo on Youtube.

Ever the optimist...

I feel like I'm always a very optimistic and ever hopeful person...
But I'm starting to think that there really aren't any nice guys left out there to date.

They've either all been body snatched.
Or this current batch that is in circulation are faulty and a little bit warped.

... Makes me a little bit sad in all honesty.

Dog VS Slide

Second 24 of this clip is GENIUS.
I defy you not to laugh.

A quote

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.
T.S. Elliot

Singing puppies to sleep.

This has to be the cutest thing I ever did see.
Singing puppies to sleep.
Adorable.

A visit to gran-ma's

I went to see my Gran yesterday.
First time in about 7 months. Terrible I know.
More so as she only lives a 5 minute walk away :-/

Anyway - i'm so glad I decided to go.

She's a fantastically funny old bird and I have to say - i've become quite fond of her over the years.

As young children, we weren't very close to my gran and we saw her very in frequently.. This I now understand to be due largely to my own mother being suck a fuck wit, that she had pushed the family away from us. My sister and I just thought they didn't like us. There were never any christmas cards or pocket money or presents on birthdays.... All our cousins got them, we didn't.

They seemed a whole world away from us.

It's only as i've got older that I realise how important she is.
The matriarch of the family. 4 children, 12 grandkids, 4 great gran kids... and a million other relo's on her own side...

I still do not get on with my own mother, haven't spoken to her for over 13 years now (believe me its easier that way). But my gran is something different.

Although I call her granny - I weirdly still don't feel an intense bond to her if that makes any sense? I almost think of her as a funny old woman who is in somehow my life... but I don't entirely get why. Of course there's the connection and she's my mothers mum, i get that, but in the same way I've never bonded with my mother I feel the same about my gran. But I am very fond of her. I'd totally miss her if she was gone.

This is probably really quite hard for someone who has a 'normal' ish family life to understand.

But the only way I can break it down is like as if there was a broken connection somehow... Still in touch, still in the same area but the connection is not quite fully connected.

Anyway - she cheered me up no end.

She must be in her early 70's - she's a typical Jamaican lady (accent and all) - and when she talks to her friends (this funny british accent emerges that cracks me up)... She had to tell her friend (the pensioner upstairs) that she wasn't going to Bingo today (she goes EVERY DAY btw that's her vice) - she also wanted to show off that her grand daughter had popped in to see her as well.... I was smiling to myself.... thinking where the fuck did that accent come from?

She closes the window and resumes the normal jamaican accent as if nothing had ever happened.

Here's what I love about her:

She's funny and witty.
She has an amazing smile.
She has a lot of friends.
She pulls stupid faces like i do when trying to make her points
She gasps at things, actually gasps - that's pretty fecking funny in my books
She's generous and kind.
She feels pain but keeps quiet about it (sound like anyone you know?)
She likes a good gossip (i'm starting to see where i get it from)
She has AMAZING skin - like AMAZING!!!!! She's concluded her good skin and good health comes from the trees around her and that they breathe new life into her (she may be right!).
She's happy with the small things in life. Me too.

She really made my day.
She made me smile and feel happy inside.

You gotta love that.

I love Charley

It's finally happenned... Yep, the Remstar has finally fallen in Love!
His name is Charley - and he ROCKS!

He suffers with cerebellar hypoplasia and remains a bundle of exquisite joy.

Turrets

I’ve mentioned this before on another blog I think...
But I do genuinely think I must suffer from some mild form of turrets syndrome.

I swore in a church the other day – whilst talking to a minister....

Fucking Awesome.

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me?

Rems Vs Shyness

** I wrote this blog on 10.06.08 on a train ride back from Manchester - where I spent the afternoon with Ruth Badger from the Apprentice - and realised how much of a donut I actually am**

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The biggest lesson I’ve learned today is to ask for help when I need it!

Yes, to actually ask!

Whether it’s for money, support, an object... or just a hug.. that unless I ask clearly for what I want, it’s not going to come to me... or it will.. but only after I’ve run a long and convoluted and complicated way around the houses to get to it.

I’m not actually sure if deep down I’m just an idiot..

Or if deep down my shyness, which does exist, is stronger than I ever imagined that it was.

I’ve always known it’s been there... but I’ve fought with it my whole life which is why I probably seem the complete opposite and come across as totally confident. Low and behold should anyone know that i'm 'shy'! To me shyness has always been a weakness. I know that’s not right but it’s how I’ve always seen it.
My closest friends of mine know it’s there in me too.
They’ve seen it and commented on it. But most people who don’t know me that well... would think I am the least shy person they know.

I think my shyness is like what kryptonite is to superman.. Paralysing and a fecking royal pain in the arse.

Ok, maybe not as harsh as kryptonite.. But it’s the one thing that’ll bring me to my knees when it’s crunch time. This includes crunch time at: Basketball, business, relationships... you name it... I think it’s been a major contributory factor to my own lack of success in many areas...

'My own lack of success' doesn't make me a loser - i'm just not as successfull as I had hoped I would be by now.

World domination is a rather large target to meet admittedly.

I’m shy around boys that I like... (but aren't all girls?) - so nothing ever happens because I’m too shy to say what it is I want.

I’m shy in business and don’t ask for what I need when I need it - to make me more successful.

I’m shy about my background and the shit I’ve endured & I remain silent when I know I should speak up and let people know the truth sometimes.

I had another annoying problem for a really long time...
Truthfully it’s still not fully gone away yet... But I’m getting better at it.
The problem was that if I was ever given a compliment - I would always reject it.. with a ‘shut up’ or ‘no I don’t’ or ‘don’t say that’ – until a very wise ex boyfriend of mine told me once what I was doing and calmly said to me... ‘Rem, the next time I give you a compliment all I want you to do is say ‘thank you’ and nothing else. Just accept it. Do you think you can do that?’.

I thought about it. Could I do that? I could do that.
Seems simple enough... Doesn’t it?
I said yes. And ever since I still do it to this day.. When I get a compliment now I always hear his voice in the back of my mind and what he said to me... and a little shy ‘thank you’ squeaks out of my throat.

Occasionally I lapse on this.. like the other day my best friend’s wife said to me as I turned up at the pub ‘Rems you look liked you’ve lost some weight’ and I said ‘Thanks that really sweet of you... but I haven’t! I think I’ve put some on actually’. Man I was kicking myself. I took her kind words and instead of just saying thank you, I pissed all over it like the EEJIT I sometimes I am. It’s all rooted in my shyness – and not wanting to be the centre of attention and not wanting to be noticed and talked about.... Yet I always am. Isn’t that weird?

Back to my shyness – I think it comes from a fear of rejection. I was often told no to things when I was younger. I was let down a lot... I guess that still resonates with me to this day.

I suppose my fear is that I’ll ask for something and I’ll get told ‘No’.
So I’ve learned to just stop asking. Which is bad.

I’ve realised that in business I do actually fart arse about quite a bit.. I talk too much but don’t say what I really want to be saying.... instead of just asking directly: ‘So are you coming to my show or not? If not... why not?’.

Instead I’ll tell you how wonderful it all is and why it’s going to be so good blah blah blah.. Instead of just saying ‘what size stand would you like today sir?’.

It’s the same with boys... Instead of saying ‘Yep, I like you and how about it?’.
I’ll talk about how wonderful I am, how funny I am, what a great cook I’ve become, how I love to travel yadda yadda yadda... but never actually say ‘Yes, I’m interested in you, shall we go out sometime?’ or words to that effect.

I’m 100% pants.

But luckily for me... I know all this and can work to make some necessary changes to these annoying nuances aka flaws that I have... enabling me to become a stronger business woman and a better partner for the poor sod who ends up with me :-)

Game on.

10 kittens.... Cuteness personified

Ridiculously Adorable.

I'm just misunderstood

Definition:
“Improperly understood or interpreted”.

I think it’d be fair to say that I spend a large portion of my day to day life being misunderstood.

This is phenomenally annoying and frustrating.

This is not because I am unable to speak clearly and put across a point succinctly.
Quite the opposite in fact.

It’s more to do with being born a frank and direct person and living in a country where it seems to be much better to be wishy washy and beat around the bush – and never actually say what it is you really mean.

People seem to take being frank and to the point as meaning you are either arrogant or aggressive.

Is that right?

And does that really make me arrogant?
Why is frankness and being direct - associated with arrogance?

Or is that only the case when you are around people who lack confidence?

I don’t know… I’m just tired of it all.

I’m SO over being “misunderstood”.
Think I’ll just stop talking to people – unless I REALLY have to.
It might make my life a lot easier and stress free.